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January 22, 2017 In Enrich

Move Like a Ninja

We have all heard the saying-  “You can’t trust everybody with everything” or “everything ain’t for everybody,” and yet, out of guilt, fear or just talking too diggety dang much, we often shoot ourselves in the foot by over sharing goals and dreams with the wrong people.

The painful lessons that results from said over sharing, often comes in the form of losing friends who despise your drive and determination, and counter it with negativity and intended sabotage of your dreams and goals.

So what are we to do?
Learn to move like a ninja.
How you say?

Allow me to elucidate.

I am fiercely protective and careful of that which is near and dear to me. My children’s names are not uttered online, I almost never share the scope and depth of my work and most importantly, that man I now call husband was a phantom for the entire 5 years I dated him.

I wrote and spoke about him all the time but he was known as the mysterious “Mister.” It became pretty easy to see who the ones would be to quickly judge and began whispering behind my back (so they thought) that he didn’t exist and one very brave somebody, called my mother and told her I was  making up stories about some non existent man.

By the time I unveiled my man and on my own terms, it was exactly 30 days before we got married. Mouths were dropping all over the place because all the assumptions that abound were dead wrong.

People are always looking to criticize that which they refuse to put their own work into. Relationships, careers, raising families and simply being a decent human being, takes WORK.

I have also experienced putting my entire neck on the line to help large swaths of folks only for me to keep getting feedback that some people thought this and that about me. I had to shut that mess down because if the people bringing the bones to bury me didn’t have enough sense to shut that down, they didn’t deserve to be in my most sacred of spaces.

As a direct result, I continue to move like a ninja in certain aspects of my life because I know not everyone will be happy that I work my fingers to the bone to enjoy the fruits/rewards.

And do not allow people to guilt you into dragging them like luggage to  your fruits party. They too must work hard and sacrifice something or you take their rocks out your bags and lay them gently to the side.

So what are you over sharing in your spaces sacred or otherwise? Take inventory, see who the detractors are and then cease and desist. Your very success or failure, may depend upon it.

Because love bugs, everything truly ain’t for everybody.

Dueces and mad love,

DivA

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January 15, 2017 In Explore

Gratitude or Grousing

All kinds of things and events have been swirling around my space in recent days, weeks and months to the place where I have begun to pay full attention.

So when a friend made a comment that she watched my life change in ways large and small since we met some 15 years ago and she was happy to witness it, I began to delve into the why.

Why was I able to change and grow in ways that is almost impossible to believe on this end by many including myself some two decades later? Why am I still able to continue to grow and change with each passing day?

The conclusion I came to?
Gratitude.
No matter where I was in each cycle of my life, I maintained a level of gratitude for every morsel of it. Yes, even as I struggled to make sense of certain things and behaviors around me. Yes, as I was ridiculed for daring to dream and then going forth to do just what I dreamt about.

Do you know how I came up with gratitude as the answer?
All around me back then, were people who had the same opportunities and challenges I faced. Those of us who came through and  grew, maintained gratitude.

Those who didn’t, are still in that same place  all these years later because they groused and complain bitterly about things and always looked toward what they didn’t have, versus what they did.

They also were never willing to take the necessary risks needed to challenge themselves and grow. They were content to sit back and watch, all while denigrating the efforts of others, believing it was all pipe dreams. Until those dreams became reality with hard work and determination.

What they are left with, is a pot filled with a bitter brew of anger, jealousy, victimhood, and regrets.

Do not let that be you. Challenge yourself to step completely out of your comfort zone. Never forget to embrace each stage of your life fully, learn the lessons, celebrate the victories and most of all, walk in love and kindness.

And give yourselves a break. None of us are good all the time. It’s okay. You can be both AND. I am always a tad amused by self proclaimed “perfect” people who toe the line, do what they are told and then wonder why life is so, well, boring.
That which we declare over ourselves, is that which is manifested. Good or not so much.

So what will it be?  Gratitude or grousing?

You decide.
Dueces and mad love,

DivA

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January 2, 2017 In Empower

Dear Younger Self

I woke up this morning to a text from a young lady, who asked if I could share a few tips on love/self care for young women because she felt education was pushed in society but not much else beyond that and the results are every where in these streets. I thought about it and here is MY list.

1. Follow your parents rules but Develop a few of your own.

Our parents are supposed to be our guiding system and usually that makes sense because well, they are our parents and their immediate goal is to keep us safe, if they have sense and a sense of direction. Not everyone is so lucky and had to develop survival skills early on in life. But what if your mom or dad chose to remain in an abusive relationship for example for whatever the reason they had in their head at the time? Does that mean you should grow up and do that too? Or did you go in the opposite direction and become an abuser yourself?  Learning to develop a sense of right and wrong, also develops the gut instinct that will  keep you  from going down the wrong path.

2. Love yourself without apology.

We are often taught, especially as young women to take care of everyone before ourselves. That is a lie that keeps on perpetuating itself. By the time you look up from taking care of others and are too exhausted to look after you, it’s often after you are ill or boxed into a corner rife with decisions that are costly to your soul. Take care of your basic needs first.

3. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes but learn from them.

How many of us have found ourselves in a relationship from hell?  I sure have. More than once too. And yes, I cried got mad and wanted to put a hurting on a couple of them. What I didn’t do? Was stay in that space. Holding grudges is counterproductive I wrote out my feelings, discussed it with someone I could trust and then took the steps to regain my life by moving the hell on. The only person that wins when you stay in that vicious cycle of trying to hold on to that which no longer wants you, is the killer of your self esteem. And trust me- losing that precious commodity is too costly and usually not worth the ninja you were pining over. In fact, you will look back and say HOW did I do THAT? But use it as the lesson for what you don’t want to embrace moving forward.

4. Choose your friendships wisely.

The hardest lesson to learn is that not everyone has your best interests at heart. Jealousy and complacency is a beast. Many of your friendships will NOT last forever. The truth is, most of us will only have a few cherished friends that’s spans our lifetime. The goal is to see and feel who those people are and ride the wave with them no matter what. We aren’t perfect people and it’s wonderful to have someone you can confide without feeling like your stuff will be in the streets before the words leave your mouth. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

5. You will have doubts/concerns but there is a reason for that.

The greatest gift we are given that is often ignored? Our Gut instincts. That thing will ride us like a monkey on steroids and some of us STILL will choose to ignore it to our own peril. My advice? Don’t do it to yourself. Our gut instincts are spot on so even if the person in front of you is saying all the right things or is finer than wine, follow that deep still voice within because sooner or later, whatever it is you were feeling, will manifest itself. Protect yourself by holding back and choosing to be reserved until you know what that thing is. So worth it in the end.

6. RELAX.

This is the one piece of advice I wish I had as a younger person. Everything happens in our lives for a reason. Even the not so good stuff but what I learned now that I didn’t know then,  is that those lessons became the impetus to the places where I am now in life and it all made perfect sense. If I didn’t have the imbeciles, I would not have been able to fully appreciate the gems.

7. Have faith/belief in something greater than yourself 

We are souls in earthly bodies. Having faith, praying, asking for guidance in the universe, is a beautiful thing to experience and so choose to believe in the existence of that which is greater than you.  Your words when out into the universe, has no choice but to manifest itself. Choose wisely, what you think and say.
All of the things above along with kindness, has helped me on the road of my personal journey. I hope it helps you a tiny bit. Be kind to yourself and the rest will fall into place.
Dueces and mad love,

DivA.

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December 10, 2016 In Empower

High Apple Pie in the Sky Hopes

Steve Jobs was an eccentric dude who had a dream. He was laughed at, ridiculed and often scorned for his out-of-the-box thinking, and even lost several Jobs and failed at business ventures a few times. He kept at it and what he left behind in these apple Products through his ingenuity with a partner that believed in and joined him, is priceless, has forever changed the way we use technology and forced other companies to step their mediocre games way up.
Oprah Winfrey- the little “black gal” who was too ambitious for her britches, was told by the station manager that if she moved from her “cushy” job in Tennessee to Chicago, she would most certainly fail. And yet, she followed her gut and kept going through her mistakes by remaining authentic and sharing herself fully, which connected her to billions of people eventually. She dared to dream of owning her own network and had the balls to shut down her successful show, close HARPO studios in Chicago and took her entire life to Los Angeles.

All kinds of obstacles were thrown her way and people she thought would stand by her side, judged her for doing what her heart said. Because why did she have to be so bold in wanting a network? Didn’t she know what a mistake that was?  Why wasn’t she yet married? Why did she share so much of her personal life? Why, why, why? She hunkered down and kept moving with the few who believed.
Today, she has a successful network, studios larger than the one she had in Chicago, and has given us one of the BEST pieces of programming in “Queen Sugar.” Her boldness has created jobs, launched people to become their best selves and on and on. Imagine if she had listened to that station manager and her daddy who thought she was just out of pocket in following her heart.
These are just two examples of many who dared to actualize their purpose.

Why am I saying all of this? When people don’t understand YOUR dream, or they feel uncomfortable with what they can’t possibly visualize, they WILL try and derail it with their opinions.
You will feel hurt and angry and discouraged but what you must NOT do? Is give up. The world deserves what is inside of you because you never know how you are impacting mankind in your bravery and determination to follow your PURPOSE.
To the naysayers who can’t seem to help themselves with their doomsday comments and judgements of those around them that are daring to explore what they dream about, please understand that you are only fuel for dreamers to keep moving and growing and doing.
The cemeteries are already too filled of people who died with their dreams within because they were told to keep that “stable” job or whatever the thing is said to deter people no matter how well intentioned you may be. Just because it doesn’t make sense to you, it does not make you right.
Failure is also not a bad thing. It teaches us the lessons that will create the solid foundation as we move to higher heights. So allow people to fail UP instead of talking them DOWN to your level of comfort. Be unselfish enough to get out the way of the ones who carry the fire within the pit of their bellies to live beyond the pale.

We all aren’t designed to simply exist in the boxes we allow others to create for us.
So while you keep judging, we will keep those high hopes. No matter what.
Dueces and mad love,
DivA

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